A Step Away - Reflection on Loss and Regret
The following is an analysis of a song from Xenoblade 3 that I originally wrote for cohost. It was originally published on December 14th, 2022.
Major spoilers for Xenoblade 3, particularly Chapter 5 and Chapter 6 with a little of Chapter 7 near the end. Content warnings for mentions and discussions of in-game suicide attempts, deaths, and grief.
A Step Away is the first of two vocal tracks which play in Xenoblade 3. Vocal tracks in these games are reserved for critically important scenes and often are sung from the perspective of one or more characters about the situation they find themselves in. In a sense, they can be considered "musical numbers" like what one would see in a musical on Broadway, although the music is not sung directly by the characters themselves so it doesn't quite qualify.
I and I presume many others initially believed A Step Away was sung from the perspective of either Noah or Mio as they sit in the prison at Agnus Castle, waiting for Mio's 20th birthday and her permanent, irreversible death. It makes logical sense, these are the characters suffering unbelievably intense emotions of grief and loss and pain and desperation.
The phrase "A Step Away" could in this sense be seen as referring to the fact that Noah and Mio are literally mere steps away, with only a prison wall separating them. The overall meaning of the song, taking Noah or Mio (more likely Noah given the lyric "I fear I'm not the kind of man you know") to be the singer, would be their realization that they love each other, just barely too late to act on it. However, if that is the case then several lyrics in the song do not match up ("I had no clue that we had nothing between us", etc). And so I come to a realization about who is really singing the song.
The end of Chapter 5 and the beginning of Chapter 6 are infamous among Xenoblade 3 fans for the incredible twists and turns: from the attempted suicides of Lanz and Sena; to the successful suicide of Shania; to the death of "Mio", actually M in disguise; to the reveals about Noah and Mio's past lives and what drove N to become Moebius. There is foreshadowing abound from the moment that Mio and M swap places in every minute detail, all of which encourages players to experience the events again afterwards with the full context. But in going back with full context we can derive the true meaning of A Step Away as being itself another form of foreshadowing.
A Step Away is not sung from Noah's perspective, nor Mio's, nor any of the Ouroboros. It is sung from N's perspective in Chapter 6, whether that be as he is realizing that M and Mio swapped places and what that meant or after the battle when he is recovering. With this revelation, the entire song's meaning clicks into place.
Let's begin with the first verse. The song opens with the lines "Here I am; Staring at my own palms". With the understanding that this song is from N's perspective, this establishes that he is still reeling from the revelation and is in shock. I can think of one or two very specific moments during the revelation that this could be referring to in particular.
It continues "I feel the warmth of your hand; I thought I'd be forever by your side, protecting you; Assuming that's what you wanted too". M's presence in N's life is still fresh. He still feels her warmth even as she's passed away. And all this time he believed that he had forever with her; that's why they became Moebius after all. In their time as Moebius, he saw himself as M's protector, her "savior", and he simply assumed that that is what she wanted.
The second verse has N, deep down though he will never admit it, realizing the truth of his relationship with M. "I had no clue; That we had nothing between us; Perhaps I was so scared to know the truth". M had long drifted away from N. She still loved him, but in reality N had been so corrupted by his grief and despair that N was no longer her Noah. Who he was now? There was nothing between them, except a regret and a desire to return to happier days. N could have realized this, but as he says he was perhaps far too scared to let himself.
The verse finishes "Now that you're gone, and yet your love is still embracing me; I'm at a loss, I need you with me". As it was not Mio but M who passed, this lyric fits perfectly. N is lost, dazed, baffled at how this could happen and what to do next. M is gone. Gone. Permanently. Everything he had worked so hard for, his reason for living was no more.
You can continue through the song in this manner. Every line is perfectly aligned with N's realization that he has lost everything, and all along he never really "had" it in the way he thought to begin with. The third verse continues the discussion of N's feelings of loss and confusion and the way his world is absolutely crumbling around him.
Verse four serves as a moment of self awareness for N, realizing that ultimately what happened is his fault. He buried his regrets for his mistakes and continued to force his way down the road he chose, even subconsciously recognizing the ways it was harming M so severely that she would take her own life just to get through to the man she once loved and wished to love again. This is exemplified in the line "I fear I'm not the kind of man you know", wherein N actively acknowledges to himself that he is no longer M's Noah. He hasn't been for a long time.
Verses five and six close out the song and feel somewhat distanced from the first four verses. The first half of verse five still lingers on N's regrets and feelings of confusion, with the statements "I don't know where to start; There's nothing left for me; I know I've lost it all except the memories". As an interesting aside, being lost and obsessed with one's own memories is a major theme of the game and what drives many Moebius to become Moebius. J's mud puppets are a fantastic example of this. However, this is a discussion for another time.
Verse five ends, however, somewhat more hopeful: "When I have my chin up high; I see a glimpse of light; Like how we find the brightest star up in the sky". This optimism doesn't fit N at the time he has just lost M. It doesn't fit N at all... until the very end of the game. Perhaps even during Chapter 6 he did realize this, deep down, though he refused to admit it for it would be denying the countless years he's spent on this road. But, I believe this refers to the new Noah and the new Mio and the rest of Ouroboros. As M tells Noah and Mio and as Noah tells N, Ouroboros is hope. Hope for the future, that it can be a wonderful thing despite the very natural fear of the unknown and unknowable.
While one could argue that deep down N recognizes Ouroboros as hope, verse six makes me feel this is not fully accurate. It begins "I now have the courage to; Show you there is a way; You told me silently; I know what you will say". N does not yet have the courage to face M for what he has done during Chapter 6. It is not until he rejoins with Noah in Chapter 7 that this statement has any semblance of truth to it.
Thus, I believe that this song is sung over an extended period of time, beginning at N's realization of M's death and covering his reflections over the course of Chapter 6 and 7 until finally, halfway through verse 5, Noah and Mio get through to him after their confrontation in Origin. With some hope restored and time to reflect and truly acknowledge all that he's done, he finally finds the courage to face M again. To apologize, and to find with her a way forward to a brighter future without all the harm and tragedy Moebius has caused. He knows M, he knows how she will respond even without words, and this leads into the last half of verse 6 to close out the song.
"And when I search for you; I see a guiding light; It's now so clear to me that you're still far away; A step away". M has always been N's guiding light, though he lost sight of it for a time. His love for her is true, even if his way of expressing it became so toxic and tainted and harmful from his grief and despair. Now with the aid of Ouroboros he sees his guiding light again, and he seeks to do what he can. For her.
Though M is still far away, the damage N has done is not easily repaired, and it will take time... she has always been by his side. Though she may be distant thanks to the rift N drove between them in his unhealthy and toxic state of mind, she has always... always been... A Step Away.